Caution: Don’t eat while reading the post.
It has been raining all week and I want to lighten things up with some glaring mis-uses of the English language. They were contributed by two female former colleagues, whom I'll refer to as damsels in this post.
Damsel 1 - amazing
This exchange is a paraphrase of what actually transpired in a conversation between Damsel 1 and her colleague.
Colleague: You know? I’m amazing.
Damsel: (While fighting the gag reflex) What do you mean?
Colleague: I’ve been looking at this code for a long time and I can’t understand it. I’m amazing.
I am certain that the code they were looking into isn’t that great nor elegant but the poor fellow probably meant confused. I have a strong feeling that we’ll have more anecdotes of the same nature from this fellow who works with Damsel 2.
This one is the first sentence of a user manual that Damsel 2 is beginning to study.
The authorizations process enables a series of special operations, following the identification of an authorizing user, who is registered as responsible for the operation.
I have no idea how much Damsel 2 has learned from this manual but my heart goes out to her.